"Because she has set her love upon Me, therefore I will deliver her; I will set her on high, because she has known My name. She shall call upon Me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble; I will deliver her and honor her. With long life, I will satisfy her, And show her My Salvation."
Psalm 91:14-16
This post almost never was.
I have been apprehensive to write these following thoughts for others to read because they sound a bit radical and can be a lot to process for some.
However, my husband and I have extensively discussed my blogging and have emphasized the importance of me writing through this current journey that we are on, and I feel as though you may be able to connect in some small way.
At the beginning of my bed rest at 22 weeks, I was praying and most likely crying when I heard a gentle voice whisper, "I will deliver you."
My Father has spent many days teaching my ears to hear, so when I heard this, I immediately felt peace come over my mind that was racing with the thoughts planted in there by the doctors' "what-if" scenarios.
Fast forward a few days and I remember continually thinking out the potential ways that God might deliver us from this situation. I will spare you the long, drawn-out "If-Then" cases that I played out in my mind. What God pushed through and said in rebuttle to my thoughts blew me out of my sad thought process.
His profound words?
"Stop trying to play out how I might deliver you and just let me do what I've said I will do."
Daddy, say whaa?!?! (Excuse my urban roots.)
I pretended to be confused, but really, I knew what He meant. I am VERY good at hearing from God and then playing out how I think He might work it all out. I used to think it gave me hope for the days ahead when faced with a trial. I have since learned differently. This statement from Him has led me on a journey that I hope to NEVER veer from.
We always say, "let go and let God," but it's my experience that we humans have a lot of trouble actually following through with that. However, in my current position, would you like to know how much PEACE comes from just letting Him play it out and not trying to force the process through thinking it out all day long?
TONS of peace. That peace allows me to "dance" through my days laughing with nurses, doctors, dietary personnel, housekeepers, and many more.
When I let my brain get in the way, and begin to think about all of the stuff we don't want to happen with this pregnancy, I get frazzled, emotional, and don't feel like talking to anyone for more than 3 minutes. I know because that was my mindset yesterday. I am human and just couldn't help it.
Despite all of the reassurance and Scriptures He has given me to hang on to during this time, I was slipping.
I woke up this morning and He gently reminded me to focus on one of these promises, Psalm 91:7, "A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at you right hand; But it shall not come near you." He has whispered this to me a gajillion times in the last week when I had bleeding, thought about infection, got nervous about Malachi being breech, and a host of other things.
This Truth from Him obliterates a thousand fears and lies that try to come to steal my joy...it pulverizes them. The key is that I have to allow myself to hear the voice of God louder than the voice of my circumstances.
Sure, it looks bleak from many standpoints and the road to 34 weeks and a natural delivery is N.A.R.R.O.W., but guess what?!
The God that loves me is a PRO at navigating narrow roads. He calls us to walk down the narrow path and to not turn to the right or left.
Forward, Kingdom focus is what propels us through the battle that goes on in the mind during times like these. As I am learning, hold on to His Truth and promises and let Him go before and carry you down that narrow path, always listening for His voice to whisper through the storm of the circumstance.
That is how we learn to experience victory.
No comments:
Post a Comment